Caring for a Senior Citizen in Your Own Home

I care for my 96 year old mom. She was having difficulty in an independent living community, and could not handle it on her own. She broke two bones in her foot. She needed us to help her. We found a larger house and we determined to help her and give her the dignity she deserved after having been independent for so many years.

My mom is a smart lady, and she doesn't miss much. But she has had great, great difficulty actually making the transition to a place of being dependent. She cannot see well and the macular degeneration she has has added to her problems with emphysema. She is a fighter, and while I appreciate that at times, I find that she resents us regarding her need for us.

The generation she lived in was perhaps the most independent, having benefited from the prosperity starting at the end of World War 2. Coming from the hardship of the great depression, that World War 2 generation became the most independent in the history of the world. Because of that, she has had to make an adjustment living with us and that is difficult.

You are probably reading this and saying to yourselves why would you not just let her spend her money down and go into a nursing home. While that would be a viable option, it is not in her case. I feel that she is simply too mentally alert for a nursing home. I hate to see alert seniors being placed into nursing homes. My mom has home health nurses when needed, though she doesn't keep them for long. She is still too independent in her own mind to keep them around for long.

The big issue with my mom is that she wants to be independent but dependent at the same time. She is too proud to ask for help, yet too dependent to rely on herself. That creates all sorts of tensions that I had no idea existed both for the rest of my family and myself. But I feel it is the right thing to do, to take care of her, as long as she is mentally alert.

Update: My mother passed away on November 27, 2009, after living with us for just over two and one half years, at age 97. We did the right thing by taking care of her. We feel like we made her life better than it would have been without our care, and she had many moments of joy. I know she did not feel well much of the time. But we tried to give her more comfort and took her places often.We have those positive memories always.

We miss her and are continuing as a multigenerational family because, in this economy it has wonderful benefits. While most of our kids are on their own, one is thiinking about multi generational living himself, we have a permanent tie with my daughter and her husband, that will serve us well in the uncertain times going forward.